Sunday, December 25, 2011

Celebrating the Greatest Cosmic Event of All Time

God becoming one of us. Pretty big stuff in simple form. What a strange way to save the world. In church last night wondering whether Jim knows it is Christmas Eve...what a thing to different from one year ago... but really...did he know?

Yes, anniversary came and went, now Christmas and no word from Jim so far. Still looking for new ways to search for Jim and hoping to find him alive and ready for a new life among those he loves.

In Oregon, celebrating with Ali and Paul. New family and good times; beautiful worship; wonderful music; breath of heaven moving around me; filling; comforting. What a strange way to live...

Hoping that all who read and care are also full of God's love today. Knowing that the creator of everything you love, also loves you. Thank you to all. Merry Christmas.


Monday, December 19, 2011

Two Months Today is December 19th.  Jim walked away on October 19th.  Two full months.  Is that all?  It seems like some sort of eternity.  Life was so good, getting along well, having some good times with trips to Tucson with our three kids and their loves, great weekend at our old favorite Southern California beaches, a great four days in Phoenix, and plans, plans, plans for full retirement for both of us at the end of my school year.  Jim's comment four days before leaving, when asked what retirement is all about for him: "It's about us being together more."  Wow, how sweet is that.

Such a magnitude of change in just four short days and one profound discussion.  What was he thinking?  That we would all be okay; he's provided for us well?  Did he know that our lives would be turned upside down; that his wife and children would leave their jobs and lives behind and search the hills and deserts around Sedona for weeks; that thousands of people all over the country would be praying for him, hoping for his return, and sharing their love with us?  Did he know how many people would care; how much he has given to so many?  Did he know how much he matters to his children, and their children?  Did he feel some sort of emotional disturbance developing within his psyche?  Did he leave with a sense of adventure, or deep sadness and uncertainty...or both?  

I wonder what he is thinking now, if he's thinking.  I wonder how he is, and where he has been.  What stories would he tell us, if he were to tell?  I have loved a mysterious and complex man, and been privileged to share 42 (+5) years of his life.  That, in itself, is a gift to be cherished.  On Wednesday, our 43rd anniversary, I will celebrate all of that.  Perhaps Jim will too...somewhere, out there.  Karen

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Day 53

Today I went walking...taking the route Jim probably took, based upon having been seen heading west on one of the roads in our neighborhood that leads toward the desert trails around The Village of Oak Creek on that morning of October 19th, that seems so long ago now.  Then onto the Kel Fox trail--again--where his scent had been picked up by the blood hound, Aggie, six days after his disappearance. seems quite certain that he went that way.

But...did he continue in that direction?  We did much searching in that direction and beyond with no success. Or did he change his mind and go someplace else?  Early in this journey Ali and Sami discovered some video footage from October 19th taken by cameras in the Ranger Station parking lot, where the trailhead for one of our favorite hikes "Woods Canyon" is located.  There was a man wearing the same colored clothing we believe Jim to have, who walked onto that trail that morning at exactly 9:31 a.m. with a small backpack that appeared to be rather full.  Given the facts that we searched that trail and had two helicopters flyovers on Day 3, that the quality of the video makes recognition impossible, and that Aggie got no hit on that trailhead, the clothing color match was considered coincidental, as khaki and navy are pretty standard hiking gear colors.

However, it has remained in my head that this man could have been Jim.  So I had to have more information.  I wondered if it was physically possible for him to have gone to both of those places on that fateful morning?  How long would it take to do so? That is what I set out to discover on foot this day.  If I could do it, Jim could do it.  Well, the trek took me two hours.  If Jim left the house at 7:30, he could have gone both places and been that man at the trailhead at 9:31 a.m.

But, could he really have left the house only one hour after I left for work?  How long does it take to do a couple of chores and pack for such a leaving?  So, still no certainty--just one more piece in the puzzle.  Beautiful day.  Beautiful place.  So much mystery.